How to Stop Negative Thinking and Develop a More Positive Mindset
Negative thinking can become such an automatic habit that you barely notice it happening.
You make a small mistake and immediately criticise yourself. Something doesn't go according to plan and your mind jumps to the worst possible conclusion. You compare yourself with other people, dwell on what went wrong or find yourself expecting disappointment before anything has even happened.
Over time, these patterns can influence how you feel about yourself, the choices you make and how confidently you approach everyday life.
But thinking more positively doesn't mean pretending everything is wonderful or forcing yourself to feel cheerful when you're not.
It's about learning to recognise unhelpful patterns of thinking, putting them into perspective and developing a more balanced and constructive way of responding to yourself and the situations you face.
As a clinical hypnotherapist, counsellor and psychotherapist with more than 25 years' professional experience, I've worked with many people whose negative thinking has gradually become their default way of looking at themselves and their lives.
The encouraging thing is that patterns of thinking are not fixed. With awareness and practice, they can change.
If negative thinking has become an automatic habit, I've also created a Positive Thinking Self-Hypnosis MP3 to help you relax, quieten unhelpful thought patterns and encourage a calmer, more constructive outlook. It's a private audio session you can use at home, in your own time.
Why Do I Think So Negatively?
People sometimes assume that negative thinking simply means they are naturally pessimistic.
Usually, it's more complicated than that.
Your mind learns from experience. If you've been criticised frequently, experienced setbacks, lived through difficult relationships or spent long periods worrying about what might go wrong, your thinking can gradually become more cautious and negative.
You may begin automatically looking for problems because your mind has learned that anticipating them feels safer than being caught by surprise.
Stress and anxiety can also make negative thinking more noticeable. When you're already feeling under pressure, it's much easier to focus on potential problems than possibilities.
And sometimes negative thinking simply becomes a habit.
The same thoughts are repeated so frequently that eventually they feel like facts rather than interpretations.
What Does Negative Thinking Look Like?
Negative thinking isn't always dramatic.
It can appear in ordinary thoughts such as:
"I'll probably get it wrong."
"Everyone else seems to cope better than I do."
"There's no point trying."
"Something is bound to go wrong."
"I'm just not good enough."
"I always mess things up."
"What if this turns out badly?"
One negative thought isn't a problem.
The difficulty comes when these thoughts become your automatic response to situations and you stop questioning whether they're actually accurate.
How Negative Thinking Becomes a Habit
Imagine you've made a mistake at work.
One person might think:
"That was frustrating. I'll correct it and make sure I know what happened."
Another might immediately think:
"I'm useless. I always get things wrong. Everyone probably thinks I'm incompetent."
The event is the same.
The interpretation is completely different.
When the second style of thinking happens repeatedly, the brain becomes increasingly familiar with that route. Before long, the negative interpretation arrives almost instantly.
That's why simply telling yourself to "think positively" often doesn't work.
The old thought pattern has had years of practice.
Changing it involves noticing the automatic response and repeatedly giving your mind another way to interpret what is happening.
Positive Thinking Doesn't Mean Ignoring Reality
One reason some people dislike the idea of positive thinking is that it can sound unrealistic.
If something genuinely difficult is happening, telling yourself that everything is wonderful isn't helpful.
Positive thinking is not about denying problems.
It's about responding to them without automatically making them worse.
Instead of:
"This is a disaster. I can't cope."
you might learn to think:
"This is difficult, but I'll deal with what I can one step at a time."
Instead of:
"I completely failed."
you might think:
"That didn't go as well as I'd hoped. What can I learn from it?"
That isn't blind optimism.
It's balanced thinking.
How to Stop Negative Thinking
Trying to forcibly stop a thought often makes you focus on it even more.
A better starting point is simply to notice what's happening.
When you catch yourself thinking negatively, ask:
Is this definitely true?
Then ask:
Is there another reasonable way of looking at this?
Suppose you're meeting new people and think:
"They won't like me."
Do you actually know that?
Or are you predicting something that hasn't happened yet?
A more balanced thought might be:
"I don't know what they'll think of me. I'll just be myself and see how it goes."
The aim isn't to replace every negative thought with an exaggerated positive statement.
It's to stop automatically accepting the most negative interpretation.
Watch Out for All-or-Nothing Thinking
Negative thinking often uses extreme language.
"I always get this wrong."
"Nothing ever works out for me."
"Everyone else is more confident."
"I'll never be able to do it."
Words such as always, never, everyone and nothing can be clues that your thinking has become overly rigid.
Life is rarely that absolute.
When you notice yourself using these words, look for exceptions.
Have you always failed?
Has nothing ever worked out?
Is everyone genuinely more confident than you?
Usually, the answer is no.
Stop Turning Mistakes Into Judgements About Yourself
A mistake describes something that happened.
It doesn't describe who you are.
Yet negative thinking often turns an event into an identity.
"I made a mistake" becomes "I'm useless."
"I felt nervous" becomes "I'm weak."
"Someone rejected me" becomes "I'm not good enough."
Try separating the event from yourself.
You can make a poor decision without being a failure.
You can feel anxious without being incapable.
You can be rejected without being undesirable.
That distinction can make an enormous difference to the way you speak to yourself.
Pay Attention to Your Inner Voice
Imagine speaking to somebody you care about in the same way you sometimes speak to yourself.
Would you tell them:
"You're hopeless."
"You look terrible."
"You'll probably fail."
"Nobody wants to hear what you have to say."
Probably not.
Yet people can repeat statements like these internally every day without questioning them.
Start noticing the tone of your inner conversation.
You don't have to shower yourself with praise.
Simply aim for the same fairness and encouragement you would offer another person.
Stop Comparing Your Life With Other People's Highlights
Comparison has always existed, but social media has made it almost impossible to avoid.
You're comparing your ordinary Tuesday afternoon with somebody else's carefully selected photograph of a holiday, achievement, relationship or perfect-looking home.
You don't see the arguments, insecurity, disappointments, financial worries or ordinary days behind the image.
If comparison regularly leaves you feeling inadequate, reducing the amount of time you spend consuming content that triggers those feelings can help.
Ask yourself a simple question:
Does following this person make me feel better or worse about my own life?
Your attention is valuable. Be selective about where you place it.
Notice What's Going Right
Human beings naturally notice problems because problems may require attention.
The trouble is that this can make everyday successes almost invisible.
You remember the awkward conversation but forget the five pleasant ones.
You focus on the one task you didn't finish rather than the six you completed.
You remember criticism far longer than a compliment.
One useful exercise is to deliberately notice three things that went reasonably well during your day.
They don't need to be significant.
Perhaps you finished something you'd been avoiding.
You had an enjoyable conversation.
You went for a walk.
You handled a difficult situation better than you expected.
This isn't about pretending life is perfect.
It's about training your attention to notice more than just the problems.
Change the Questions You Ask Yourself
Negative thinking often begins with negative questions:
"Why does this always happen to me?"
"Why can't I do anything right?"
"What if everything goes wrong?"
Your mind then tries to answer the question you've given it.
Try asking something more useful.
What can I do about this?
What have I learned?
What is within my control?
What's one small thing I could do next?
Better questions often produce better thinking.
Don't Wait Until You Feel Positive Before Taking Action
Thoughts affect behaviour, but behaviour also affects thoughts.
If you continually wait until you feel confident, motivated or optimistic before doing something, you can remain stuck for a very long time.
Sometimes action has to come first.
Make the phone call.
Go for the walk.
Apply for the opportunity.
Start the task.
Have the conversation.
Every time you act despite an unhelpful prediction, you give your mind new evidence.
"Perhaps I can cope with this after all."
Spend More Time With People Who Lift You Up
The people around us influence the way we think.
That doesn't mean avoiding anyone who ever has a bad day.
But if you constantly spend time around people who criticise, complain, ridicule your ambitions or expect everything to go wrong, that outlook can gradually affect your own.
Look for people who are realistic but encouraging.
People who can acknowledge difficulties without living permanently inside them.
Positive thinking is much easier to develop when your environment doesn't continually pull you in the opposite direction.
Can Positive Affirmations Help?
Affirmations can be useful, but they need to feel believable.
If you're struggling with confidence, repeating:
"I am the most confident person in the world"
may simply create an internal response of:
"No, I'm not."
More realistic statements can work better:
"I'm learning to trust myself more."
"I can handle things one step at a time."
"I don't need to be perfect to be worthwhile."
"I'm becoming more comfortable recognising my strengths."
If you'd like to explore this approach in more depth, I've also written about positive affirmations for confidence, anxiety and depression.
How to Develop a More Positive Mindset
A positive mindset is usually built through small changes rather than one dramatic transformation.
You might begin by:
questioning one negative assumption each day
noticing when you're predicting the worst
speaking to yourself more fairly
reducing unhelpful comparison
recognising things that have gone well
spending less time dwelling on mistakes
taking action instead of waiting to feel completely ready
You don't have to eliminate every negative thought.
Nobody does.
The goal is to stop negative thinking from automatically deciding how you feel and what you do.
Can Self-Hypnosis Help With Negative Thinking?
Negative thinking can feel automatic because the same thought patterns have often been repeated for a long time.
Self-hypnosis gives you an opportunity to step away from everyday mental noise, relax and focus your attention on a different way of responding. During hypnosis, you remain aware and in control. The aim is simply to create a calm, focused state in which more constructive ways of thinking can be encouraged.
I've created three recordings that approach positive thinking in slightly different ways.
Positive Thinking Self-Hypnosis MP3 is the best starting point if your main difficulty is habitual negative thinking and you'd like to develop a calmer, more constructive outlook.
Build Unshakable Optimism Hypnosis MP3 focuses more specifically on developing optimism and approaching the future with greater confidence and a more hopeful outlook.
If you prefer meditation to hypnosis, the Guided Meditation for Positive Thinking MP3 offers a gentler guided approach to stepping away from negative thoughts and encouraging a more positive frame of mind.
You certainly don't need all three. Choose the recording that most closely matches the way you'd like to work on your thinking.
What If Positive Thinking Feels Impossible?
There are times when persistent negative thinking can be connected with more significant emotional difficulties.
If you're feeling persistently low, hopeless or unable to enjoy things you would normally enjoy, positive-thinking techniques alone may not be enough.
Speak to your GP or an appropriate mental health professional if you're concerned about how you're feeling.
Self-help techniques and hypnosis recordings can be useful supportive tools, but they shouldn't be used as a substitute for appropriate professional care when that is needed.
You Don't Have to Become a Completely Different Person
Developing a more positive mindset doesn't mean becoming relentlessly cheerful.
You can still feel disappointed.
You can still have difficult days.
You can still worry occasionally.
The difference is that one setback doesn't have to become proof that everything is going wrong.
One mistake doesn't have to define you.
One negative thought doesn't have to become the truth.
The more often you question unhelpful thinking and practise a more balanced response, the more familiar that alternative becomes.
Eventually, instead of automatically asking:
"What's going to go wrong?"
you may find yourself thinking:
"Let's see what happens. I can deal with it when it comes."
And sometimes, that small change in thinking is where a much bigger change begins.
About Sharon Shinwell
I'm Sharon Shinwell, a UK clinical hypnotherapist, counsellor, psychotherapist and clinical supervisor with more than 25 years' professional experience.
I've spent many years helping people work with patterns of thinking and behaviour that can affect confidence, anxiety, relationships and emotional wellbeing. My self-hypnosis and guided meditation recordings are designed to provide practical, professionally created support that you can use privately at home, in your own time.
