Insomnia and Sleep Problems: Why You Can't Sleep and What May Help

There are few things more frustrating than feeling exhausted but being unable to sleep.

You may lie awake for hours with your mind refusing to switch off. Perhaps you fall asleep easily but wake repeatedly during the night, or find yourself wide awake at four in the morning knowing you have another busy day ahead.

After a while, sleep itself can become something you worry about.

As a clinical hypnotherapist, counsellor and psychotherapist with more than 25 years' experience, I have worked with many people whose sleep difficulties have become tangled up with stress, anxiety, overthinking and the pressure they put on themselves to sleep.

The important thing to understand is that there isn't one single reason for insomnia. Finding out what may be keeping you awake is often a much better starting point than simply trying harder to sleep.

What Is Insomnia?

Insomnia means regularly having difficulty sleeping. That might mean struggling to fall asleep, waking several times during the night, waking too early and being unable to return to sleep, or waking feeling as though you haven't rested properly.

It can also affect how you feel during the day. You may be tired, irritable, find it harder to concentrate or feel as though you're constantly trying to catch up on lost sleep.

Short periods of poor sleep are extremely common, particularly during stressful times. Insomnia that continues for months deserves more attention, particularly if it is affecting your ability to cope during the day.

Why Can't I Sleep Even When I'm Tired?

Being tired and being ready for sleep aren't always the same thing.

You can feel physically exhausted while your mind remains highly alert.

Stress is a common example. You may spend the day rushing from one thing to another and finally get into bed expecting to collapse into sleep. Instead, the distractions disappear and your brain suddenly starts processing everything you've been too busy to think about.

You replay conversations.

You think about tomorrow.

You remember something you need to do.

Then you notice that you're still awake.

That can start another thought:

I need to sleep. I'm going to be exhausted tomorrow.

Now you're not simply awake. You're worried about being awake.

Why Does Worrying About Sleep Make Insomnia Worse?

Sleep isn't something you can force.

The harder you try to make yourself sleep, the more alert you can become to whether it is happening.

You check the clock.

It's midnight.

You check again.

Now it's one o'clock.

You calculate how many hours you have left before the alarm goes off.

This creates pressure around something that normally happens most easily when we aren't trying to control it.

Over time, even getting into bed can begin triggering the familiar expectation:

Here we go again. I probably won't sleep.

That doesn't mean insomnia is simply "in your head". Sleep difficulties can have many causes. But worry about sleep can become an additional part of the problem.

What Can Cause Insomnia?

Stress and anxiety are common causes of poor sleep, but they aren't the only ones.

Sleep can also be affected by your environment, shift work, jet lag, caffeine, alcohol, nicotine, some medications and physical or mental health problems.

Pain can keep people awake. Menopause can affect sleep. Restless legs syndrome, sleep apnoea and other sleep disorders can also cause disrupted sleep.

This is why persistent insomnia shouldn't automatically be assumed to have a psychological cause.

If you've been having difficulty sleeping for months, changing your sleeping habits hasn't helped, or poor sleep is significantly affecting your everyday life, speak to your GP.

How Much Sleep Do Adults Need?

There isn't one perfect number that everybody must achieve.

Sleep requirements vary between individuals, but most adults need somewhere around seven to nine hours.

It's also worth remembering that sleep quality matters. Spending eight hours in bed doesn't necessarily mean you've had eight hours of restful sleep.

Rather than becoming preoccupied with achieving an exact number, pay attention to how you function during the day. Regularly feeling exhausted, irritable or unable to concentrate may be a sign that your sleep isn't meeting your needs.

How Can You Improve Your Sleep Naturally?

Good sleep often begins before you get into bed.

A few straightforward habits can help your brain and body recognise when it's time to become less alert.

Keep Your Sleep Times Fairly Consistent

Try to get up at roughly the same time each day, including after a poor night's sleep.

Sleeping much later after a difficult night can feel tempting, but large changes to your routine can make it harder to establish a consistent sleep pattern.

Give Yourself Time to Wind Down

Moving directly from emails, television, work or social media into bed doesn't give your mind much opportunity to slow down.

Create a short period before bedtime when the day is effectively finished.

Read, listen to something relaxing, have a bath or do something else you personally associate with winding down.

It doesn't need to become an elaborate bedtime ritual.

Think About Your Bedroom

A bedroom that is dark, quiet and comfortable generally makes sleep easier.

Temperature matters too. A room that is excessively hot or cold can make it harder to settle.

If outside noise or light regularly disturbs you, simple changes such as earplugs, an eye mask or better curtains may help.

Be Careful With Caffeine and Alcohol

Caffeine can remain in your system for several hours, so coffee, tea and other caffeinated drinks later in the day may affect sleep even if you don't immediately notice the connection.

Alcohol can make you feel sleepy initially, but it doesn't necessarily lead to good-quality sleep and can contribute to waking during the night.

What Should You Do When Your Mind Won't Switch Off?

Trying to order yourself to stop thinking rarely works.

Instead, give your mind somewhere else to place its attention.

You could gently concentrate on your breathing, progressively relax different areas of your body or imagine a familiar peaceful place.

If you're worrying about things you need to remember tomorrow, writing them down before bed can sometimes help. You aren't solving everything at midnight; you're simply reassuring yourself that you don't need to keep holding the information in your head.

If you find yourself lying awake becoming increasingly frustrated, it may also help to get out of bed for a while and do something quiet until you begin feeling sleepy again.

The aim is to weaken the association between your bed and hours of wakeful frustration.

Can Relaxation Help With Insomnia?

Relaxation can be particularly useful when stress, tension or an overactive mind are contributing to poor sleep.

Slow breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, guided meditation and self-hypnosis are different ways of helping your attention move away from everyday concerns and allowing your body to become more settled.

They aren't treatments for every possible cause of insomnia, and they shouldn't replace appropriate medical advice where a health problem may be involved.

But for someone whose main difficulty is switching off at night, learning how to relax deliberately can be a useful part of preparing for sleep.

Can Self-Hypnosis Help With Sleep?

Self-hypnosis combines relaxation with focused attention and guided therapeutic suggestions.

When sleep has become associated with frustration and worry, hypnosis can provide an opportunity to practise letting go of some of that effort.

Rather than repeatedly thinking:

I must get to sleep.

the emphasis moves towards relaxing, allowing thoughts to pass and becoming more comfortable with simply resting.

I created my Insomnia Relief Self-Hypnosis MP3 + Sleep eBook for people who find it difficult to switch off and settle into sleep.

The package contains three hypnosis tracks totalling around 58 minutes together with a companion eBook. It is designed to give you different ways of relaxing at bedtime rather than relying on one identical recording every night.

The hypnosis tracks can be used as part of your bedtime routine, particularly when worry, tension or an overactive mind are contributing to your sleep difficulties.

What About Guided Meditation for Sleep?

Not everybody wants to use hypnosis.

Some people simply prefer a guided meditation that gives their mind something calm to focus on while they settle for the night.

Guided meditation can help you move your attention away from the day's worries, become more aware of your breathing and body, and create a calmer transition between being awake and preparing for sleep.

For people who prefer this approach, I also created a separate Guided Meditation for Insomnia MP3 + eBook.

The two approaches are deliberately separate. You don't need to believe that one is universally "better" than the other. Some people prefer hypnosis, others prefer meditation, and the important thing is finding an approach that feels comfortable and useful to you.

What Is CBT-I?

Cognitive behavioural therapy for insomnia, usually known as CBT-I, is a recognised treatment for persistent insomnia.

It looks at the thoughts and behaviours that may be maintaining sleep difficulties and can include techniques relating to sleep scheduling, the association between bed and sleep, relaxation and unhelpful beliefs about sleep.

CBT-I is different from simply being given a list of sleep-hygiene tips.

If insomnia has continued for a long time or is significantly affecting your life, it's worth speaking to your GP about appropriate treatment and whether CBT-I may be suitable for you.

Self-hypnosis and guided meditation should not be presented as replacements for CBT-I or medical treatment where these are needed.

When Should You Speak to Your GP About Insomnia?

Occasional sleepless nights don't necessarily mean something is wrong.

However, speak to your GP if you've been struggling with sleep for months, changing your sleep habits hasn't helped, or insomnia is making everyday life difficult to cope with.

You should also seek advice if you think another condition may be affecting your sleep.

For example, loud snoring accompanied by interrupted breathing may indicate sleep apnoea and needs appropriate assessment rather than simply trying relaxation techniques.

Getting professional advice doesn't prevent you from also developing healthier sleep habits or using relaxation techniques. It simply helps make sure that an underlying problem isn't being overlooked.

Stop Making Sleep a Test You Have to Pass

One of the most exhausting parts of insomnia can be the feeling that every night has become another test.

Will I sleep tonight?

How long will it take?

What if tomorrow is ruined?

Try to move away from judging each night as a success or failure.

Concentrate instead on creating conditions that make sleep easier: a consistent routine, less stimulation before bed, a comfortable environment and ways of calming your mind and body.

Some nights will inevitably be better than others.

If stress, worry or difficulty switching off are part of your sleep problem and you'd like to explore self-hypnosis, you can read more about my Insomnia Relief Self-Hypnosis MP3 + Sleep eBook.

If you would prefer a non-hypnosis approach, you can also explore my Guided Meditation for Insomnia MP3 + eBook.

And if you've never experienced hypnosis before, there is a free 10-minute self-hypnosis taster on my About Sharon Shinwell page.

New to self-hypnosis?

If you'd like to understand more about how self-hypnosis works, what it feels like and how it can be used safely, you can read my Complete Guide to Self-Hypnosis.

About Sharon Shinwell

Sharon Shinwell is a UK clinical hypnotherapist, counsellor, psychotherapist and clinical supervisor with more than 25 years' professional experience.

Through Self Hypnosis UK, Sharon creates professionally guided self-hypnosis and guided meditation recordings designed to provide practical support that people can use privately and in their own time.