How to communicate with your children through the generations
Updated: Jan 23
Parenting is a journey that is full of challenges and rewards. One of the biggest challenges that parents face is learning to communicate with their children as they grow and develop. As children progress from very young children to becoming parents themselves, they begin to assert their independence and form their own identities.
This can make it difficult for parents to connect with them and communicate on an equal level. Many times, parents may disagree with their children's choices, but it's important to remember that children are learning and growing and they will make mistakes.
In this article, we will explore ways for parents to learn to communicate on an equal level with their children as they progress from very young children to becoming parents themselves, even when they don't always make the right choices in the parent's opinion. You may find that some of these stages overlap.
Connecting with young children from 5-12 years.
Connecting with young children under 12 can be a challenging but rewarding for parents. As children grow and develop, their needs and interests change, and it can be difficult for parents to keep up.
Here are some suggestions.
Show interest in their interests: Children at this age are developing their own passions and interests. Take the time to learn about what your child is interested in and participate in those activities with them.
Spend quality time together: Set aside time each day to spend with your child, whether it be playing a game, reading a book, or going for a walk. This time together will help to strengthen your bond.
Be involved in their education: Attend parent-teacher conferences, volunteer at school, and stay informed about what your child is learning. Showing interest in their education will show them that you value their intellectual development.
Show affection: Give your child plenty of hugs, kisses, and verbal affirmations of love. These physical and emotional expressions of love will help to build a strong bond between you and your child.
Listen and communicate: Listen actively when your child speaks and communicate with them in a way that they can understand. Encourage them to express their feelings and thoughts.
Be a good role model: Children learn by example, and they look up to their parents as role models. Show them how to be kind, respectful, and responsible.
Show interest in their friendships: Show interest in your child's friends and the social interactions they have. Having positive relationships with others is an important aspect of development for children.
Be consistent: Children thrive on consistency and routine. Establishing a consistent routine and enforcing boundaries will help children feel secure and safe.
Show empathy: Show understanding and empathy towards your child's feelings and experiences. This will help them to feel heard and understood.
Show appreciation: Show appreciation for your child's efforts and accomplishments, no matter how small. This will help to build their self-esteem and self-worth.
Communicating and connecting with teenage Children.
Connecting with teenagers is also challenging for parents, as teens are going through a lot of physical, emotional, and cognitive changes. However, with a little effort, parents can establish and maintain a strong connection with their teens.
First and foremost, parents should make an effort to understand and accept their teenager's perspective. This means being open to new ideas and different ways of thinking, even if they may not align with the parents' own beliefs or values.
It's also important for parents to actively listen to their teenager. This means not just hearing what they have to say, but also taking the time to understand and respond to their thoughts and feelings.
Another way for parents to connect with their teenager is by spending quality time together. This can be as simple as going for a walk, playing a game, or having a meal together. It's also important to find activities that both parent and teenager enjoy and can do together.
Open communication is also key when it comes to connecting with teenagers. Parents should make sure to talk openly and honestly with their teenager about difficult topics, such as drugs, sex, and mental health, and not shy away from these important conversations.
It's also important for parents to show affection and support to their teenager. This can be as simple as giving a hug or a compliment, or by showing genuine interest in their teenager's life.
Finally, parents should remember that connecting with teenagers is not always easy and takes effort and patience. However, with a little understanding, patience, and effort, parents can establish and maintain a strong connection with their teenager.
Early twenties and beyond.
As children enter their early 20s, they begin to assert their independence and form their own identities. This can make it difficult for parents to connect with them, but it is important for both the parents and the children to maintain a strong relationship.
Here are some ways that parents can connect with their adult children:
Show interest in their lives: Ask your adult children about their interests, hobbies, and what they are currently doing. Show that you care about their lives and are invested in their happiness.
Communicate openly and honestly: Encourage open and honest communication with your adult children. Share your thoughts and feelings with them, and be open to hearing theirs.
Respect their independence: Remember that your adult children are no longer children, and they have the right to make their own decisions. Respect their independence and allow them to make mistakes.
Find common ground: Find activities and interests that you both enjoy and make time to do them together. This can be anything from watching a movie to going for a hike.
Be a sounding board: Sometimes adult children just need someone to talk to, and parents can be a great sounding board. Be there to listen and offer guidance when needed.
Give them space: While it is important to maintain a strong relationship with your adult children, it is also important to give them space. Respect their need for privacy and independence.
Stay connected: With the technology today, it's easy to stay connected with your adult children, regardless of where they live. Make use of social media, video call, or text message to keep in touch.
Be supportive: Your adult children may face new challenges and struggles as they navigate life on their own. Be there to support them and offer encouragement.
Maintaining a strong relationship with adult children takes effort and understanding, but it is well worth it. By showing interest, communicating openly, respecting independence, finding common ground, and staying connected, parents can connect with their adult children and be a positive influence in their lives.
You're not sure about their choice of partner.
Dealing with a child's choice of partner can be a difficult and emotional experience for parents. While it is important to respect their independence and allow them to make their own choices, it can be hard to accept a partner that parents don't approve of.
Here are some ways that parents can deal with their child's choice of partner:
Communicate openly and honestly: Speak with your child about your concerns in a calm and respectful manner. Share your thoughts and feelings with them, and be open to hearing theirs.
Try to understand their perspective: It's important to understand your child's perspective and the reasons why they have chosen this person. They may see qualities in the partner that you do not, or have a deeper connection with them that you are not aware of.
Don't make assumptions: Avoid making assumptions about the person based on their appearance, background, or other superficial factors. Try to keep an open mind and give the person a chance.
Avoid criticism: Criticizing the person or the relationship will only push your child away and make it harder to have an open and honest conversation.
Be supportive: Even if you don't approve of the relationship, it's important to be supportive of your child. They will need your support and guidance as they navigate this new chapter in their life.
Set boundaries: If the relationship is causing problems, it may be necessary to set boundaries. This could include not allowing the partner to be around when certain family members are present or not allowing them to stay overnight at your home.
Remember that it's not about you: It's important to remember that your child's relationship is not about you. It's about them and their happiness.
Be prepared for the possibility of the relationship ending: It's important to remember that relationships, especially in young age, are not always long-term. Be prepared for the possibility that the relationship may end and try to focus on the present.
Dealing with a child's choice of partner can be difficult, but it's important to remember that it's not about you. Communicating openly, understanding their perspective, avoiding assumptions, being supportive, setting boundaries, seeking professional help, and being prepared for the possibility of the relationship ending can help parents navigate this challenging time.
Dealing with being told by your child that he or she might be gay.
Dealing with your child telling you that they might be gay can be a difficult and emotional experience for both parents and children. However, it is important to remember that your child is still the same person they were before, and that their sexual orientation does not change who they are.
First and foremost, it is important to show your child that you love and accept them for who they are. This may be difficult if you have strong personal beliefs or opinions about homosexuality, but it is important to set those aside and focus on your child's well-being. Let them know that you support them and that you will be there for them no matter what.
It is also important to educate yourself about the LGBTQ+ community. This can help you understand and support your child better, and also help you address any concerns or questions they may have. You can start by reading books, watching documentaries, or talking to experts in the field.
It is also important to provide a safe and supportive environment for your child. This means being understanding and accepting of their friends and partners, and standing up for them if they face discrimination or bullying.
Finally, it is important to seek out support for yourself and your child. This can include talking to other parents of LGBTQ+ children, reaching out to LGBTQ+ organizations and support groups. Remember that you are not alone in this experience and that there are people and resources available to help you and your child.
You don't agree with your Child's parenting skills.
As parents ourselves, it can be difficult to let go and stop interfering with our adult children's parenting choices, especially when we disagree with some of their ideas. However, it's important to remember that they are now parents themselves and have the right to make their own decisions.
Here are some ways that parents can stop interfering with their adult children's choices:
Acknowledge that they are now adults: Your adult children are no longer children, they have their own families and their own parenting style. Acknowledge that they are capable adults who can make their own decisions.
Respect their choices: Even if you disagree with some of their parenting choices, it's important to respect them. Remember that their parenting style may be different from yours, but that doesn't make it wrong. Communicate openly: Talk to your adult children about your concerns in a calm and respectful manner. Share your thoughts and feelings with them, and be open to hearing theirs.
Offer advice, not criticism: If you have advice to offer, do so in a constructive and non-judgmental way. Avoid criticizing their parenting style, as this can lead to defensive behavior and make it more difficult for them to hear your advice.
Set boundaries: If your adult children are constantly seeking your approval or advice, it may be necessary to set boundaries. Let them know that you respect their parenting choices and that you will not interfere unless they ask for your help.
Remember that it's not about you: It's important to remember that your adult children's parenting choices are not about you. It's about them and their children.
Be supportive: Even if you disagree with some of their parenting choices, it's important to be supportive of your adult children. They will need your support and guidance as they navigate this new chapter in their lives.
Seek professional help: If the situation becomes too difficult to handle, seek the help of a therapist or counselor. They can provide guidance and support for both you and your adult children.
Be a good listener: Be open to listen to your adult children if they want to talk about their parenting experience and choices, even if you disagree with them.
Model healthy boundaries: Show your adult children how to set healthy boundaries and respect each other's choices.
It's important for parents to recognize that their adult children are capable adults who have the right to make their own decisions about parenting. By acknowledging this, communicating openly, offering advice, setting boundaries, being supportive, seeking professional help, being a good listener, and modelling healthy boundaries, parents can stop interfering with their adult children's parenting choices and maintain a positive relationship with them.
I have now retired from face-to-face counselling but over the years, I have helped countless clients deal with relationship issues between partners and families. I hope this article will help you to to achieve a long lasting and harmonious relationship with your children as they grow through the generations.
I am also a U.K. qualified Hypnotherapist and I have produced several downloadable self-hypnosis sessions for many issues. HERE
"This article represents the personal views and opinions of the author and should not be taken as representative of the official policy or position of any organization, professional, expert, or individual."