How to Boost Your Body Confidence and Feel Better About Your Appearance
Do you look in the mirror and immediately notice the things you don't like?
Perhaps you compare your body with other people's, avoid photographs, feel uncomfortable in certain clothes, or find that one critical thought about your appearance can affect your mood for the rest of the day.
You may even receive compliments from other people but find them difficult to believe.
If so, you're far from alone.
Body image isn't simply about what your body looks like. It's about how you think and feel about your appearance, and that perception can become very different from the way other people see you.
As a clinical hypnotherapist, counsellor and psychotherapist with more than 25 years' experience, I've worked with many people whose confidence has been affected by the way they see their bodies. Very often, the problem isn't simply their appearance. It's the attention, judgement and meaning that have gradually become attached to it.
And those patterns can be changed.
If negative thoughts about your appearance are already affecting your confidence, I've created an Improve Body Image & Build Confidence Self-Hypnosis MP3 + eBook specifically to help you work on self-criticism, comparison and self-acceptance.
What Is Body Image?
Your body image is the mental picture you have of your own body and the thoughts and emotions you associate with it.
Two people with very similar physical characteristics can feel completely differently about themselves.
One may accept that there are things about their appearance they would change but give them relatively little thought. Another may spend a considerable amount of time comparing, checking, criticising and worrying.
That's because body image isn't an objective assessment.
It's influenced by many things, including childhood experiences, comments from other people, relationships, cultural expectations, advertising, social media and your own habitual self-talk.
Over time, these influences can shape the way you automatically see yourself.
Why Do I Have Such a Negative Body Image?
Negative body image rarely appears from nowhere.
Perhaps somebody made an unkind remark about your appearance when you were younger. You may have been teased about your weight, height, skin, hair or another feature.
Perhaps you grew up in an environment where weight and appearance were discussed constantly.
You might have absorbed the belief that being thinner, younger, more muscular or conventionally attractive would make you happier or more successful.
Or your dissatisfaction may have developed gradually through years of comparing yourself with other people.
Once you begin focusing on perceived flaws, your attention can become trained to find them.
You look in the mirror and don't see yourself as a whole person. You immediately inspect your stomach, thighs, skin, hair or whatever else you've learned to criticise.
The more frequently you repeat this process, the more automatic it becomes.
Eventually:
I don't like my stomach
can become:
I hate my body.
And that can develop into something broader:
I'm unattractive.
Other people must notice.
I'm not good enough.
A judgement about one part of your appearance has gradually become a judgement about you.
Why Do I Dislike How I Look Even When Other People Say I Look Fine?
One of the difficulties with poor body image is that reassurance doesn't necessarily change it.
Someone tells you that you look lovely and your immediate response may be:
They're only saying that to be nice.
When you look at another person, you normally see them as a whole.
When you look at yourself, you may stand inches from a mirror under unforgiving bathroom lighting specifically searching for the feature you dislike.
You also bring years of memories, beliefs and expectations to that reflection.
So the problem isn't necessarily that nobody has told you that you look good enough.
It may be that you've developed a mental filter that makes positive information difficult to accept while negative information receives your full attention.
Improving body image therefore isn't simply about getting more reassurance.
It's about changing the way you respond to yourself.
How Can I Stop Comparing My Body With Other People?
Comparison is one of the quickest ways to undermine body confidence.
There will always be somebody slimmer, taller, younger, more muscular or closer to whatever you currently regard as your ideal.
But notice how unfair the comparison often is.
You may compare the part of yourself you feel most insecure about with the feature you most admire in somebody else.
You're effectively selecting evidence against yourself.
And when that becomes habitual, there is no finishing line.
Even if you changed the feature you're currently unhappy with, there would always be somebody else to compare yourself with.
When you catch yourself doing it, try asking:
Why does this person's appearance need to say anything about mine?
Someone else looking attractive doesn't make you less attractive.
Someone else having a different body shape doesn't make yours wrong.
The aim isn't to stop noticing other people's appearance. It's to stop automatically using it as a measurement of your own worth.
Is Social Media Making Your Body Image Worse?
Social media has taken comparison to a completely different level.
In the past, most people compared themselves primarily with friends, relatives, colleagues or celebrities they occasionally saw on television or in magazines.
Today you can see hundreds of carefully selected faces and bodies during a few minutes of scrolling.
And you're not necessarily comparing yourself with reality.
Lighting, posing and camera angles can make an enormous difference. Images may be filtered or edited. People select the photograph they like best and discard the twenty they don't.
Even when no editing is involved, you're seeing a chosen moment rather than somebody's ordinary day.
Yet knowing this intellectually doesn't always stop the emotional reaction.
You can know perfectly well that an image has been carefully curated and still find yourself thinking:
Why don't I look like that?
Pay attention to how the accounts you follow make you feel.
If certain content repeatedly leaves you feeling inadequate, unattractive or dissatisfied with your body, consider whether it deserves a place in your daily life.
Your social-media feed isn't something that simply happens to you.
You can change what you see.
How Can I Stop Checking My Appearance All the Time?
Repeated checking can feel as though it should reassure you.
You look in the mirror again.
You check your reflection in a shop window.
You enlarge a photograph to inspect yourself.
You take another photograph from a slightly different angle.
You check whether a particular feature looks different from earlier.
But checking can have the opposite effect.
Rather than reassuring you, it keeps your attention fixed firmly on your appearance and reinforces the idea that there is something you need to monitor.
Try distinguishing between useful looking and inspection.
Using a mirror to get ready, brush your hair or check your clothes is perfectly ordinary.
Returning repeatedly to establish whether you look acceptable is something different.
You don't need to reassess your appearance throughout the day.
Do I Need to Love My Body?
No.
I think this is an important point because messages about body positivity can sometimes create another impossible standard.
If you've disliked your body for years, being told that you should suddenly love every inch of yourself may not feel remotely believable.
You don't need to make that leap.
A much more realistic starting point can be body acceptance.
Your body doesn't have to be your favourite thing about yourself.
You can appreciate what it allows you to do.
You can look after it.
You can dress it in clothes you enjoy.
And you can gradually stop attacking it every time you see your reflection.
Moving from:
I hate my body
to:
This is my body, and I don't need to criticise it today
can represent genuine progress.
Confidence doesn't have to begin with loving everything you see.
Sometimes it begins simply by reducing the criticism.
How Can I Improve My Body Image?
Improving body image usually involves changing a number of small habits rather than trying to convince yourself overnight that you suddenly love your appearance.
Here are some useful places to begin.
Notice Your Automatic Self-Talk
Listen to the way you speak to yourself.
Would you speak to somebody you cared about in the same way?
If a friend was unhappy with her appearance, would you point out every perceived flaw, compare her unfavourably with other people and remind her repeatedly that she wasn't attractive enough?
Probably not.
Yet you may be doing exactly that to yourself.
You don't have to replace every negative thought with an exaggerated positive statement.
Instead of:
I look awful.
try:
I'm being very critical of myself today.
That small change matters.
It turns an apparent fact into what it actually is — a thought.
Focus on What Your Body Does, Not Only How It Looks
Your body is more than something to be viewed.
It allows you to walk, work, laugh, hug somebody, exercise, dance, travel, care for other people and experience your life.
Try deliberately noticing some of those things.
You don't have to think your body is perfect to appreciate what it does for you.
Reduce Unhelpful Comparison
Notice when comparison is helping you and when it's simply making you feel worse.
That may mean changing who you follow online, spending less time looking at appearance-focused content or deliberately interrupting the habit when you catch yourself comparing.
Wear Clothes for the Body You Have Now
People sometimes keep clothes that are too small as motivation or avoid buying something they like because they believe they haven't earned the right to wear it yet.
You deserve clothes that fit comfortably now.
Your life doesn't have to remain on hold while you wait for your body to become different.
Notice What Else Makes You Valuable
Imagine describing somebody you genuinely love.
Would the most important things about them be their waist measurement, skin, hair or age?
Probably not.
You might talk about their kindness, humour, warmth, intelligence, loyalty or the way they make other people feel.
Now consider yourself in the same way.
What are you good at?
What have you achieved?
What qualities do people value in you?
What kind of friend, partner, parent or colleague are you?
Your appearance is part of you.
It isn't the entirety of you.
Will Losing Weight Improve My Body Image?
Not necessarily.
Wanting to lose weight and wanting to improve your body image are not the same thing.
Someone can make perfectly reasonable changes to their diet, exercise or health while still treating themselves with respect.
The difficulty comes when happiness and self-worth are postponed until a particular weight is reached.
I'll feel good about myself when I've lost a stone.
Then the stone is lost and the target moves.
Perhaps another half stone.
Perhaps a different body part becomes the problem.
Perhaps ageing, skin or another perceived imperfection takes its place.
If the underlying habit is relentless self-criticism, changing your weight doesn't automatically remove it.
You can work towards health or fitness goals without making acceptance conditional upon achieving them.
What Is the Difference Between Poor Body Image and Body Dysmorphic Disorder?
It's important not to assume that being unhappy with your appearance means you have Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD).
Many people experience periods of poor body confidence or dissatisfaction with aspects of their appearance.
BDD is more serious.
It involves becoming significantly preoccupied with perceived flaws in your appearance, which may be minor or not noticeable to other people. Those concerns can take up considerable amounts of time and cause significant distress or interfere with everyday life.
Someone with BDD may repeatedly check mirrors, compare their appearance with other people, seek reassurance, try to conceal perceived flaws or avoid situations because of how they believe they look.
Some of these behaviours can also occur in people without BDD, so you shouldn't try to diagnose yourself from a list of symptoms.
If concerns about your appearance are taking up a great deal of your time, causing significant distress or interfering with work, relationships or everyday activities, speak to your GP or an appropriate mental-health professional.
My body-image self-hypnosis recording is designed for general body confidence, negative self-talk and self-acceptance. It isn't a treatment for Body Dysmorphic Disorder.
Can Self-Hypnosis Help With Negative Body Image?
Self-hypnosis doesn't change what you physically look like.
That's not the purpose.
Its potential value is in helping you work with some of the thoughts, emotional reactions and habits surrounding your appearance.
When you're relaxed and focused, you can mentally rehearse responding differently to situations that normally trigger self-criticism.
That might mean imagining yourself:
looking in a mirror without immediately searching for flaws;
wearing clothes you enjoy without constantly wondering what other people think;
seeing an attractive person without automatically comparing yourself;
accepting a compliment rather than dismissing it;
or speaking to yourself with greater fairness and kindness.
I've created my Improve Body Image & Build Confidence Self-Hypnosis MP3 + eBook specifically for this purpose.
The hypnosis session focuses on reducing negative self-talk, encouraging self-acceptance and helping you develop a more balanced relationship with your appearance.
The accompanying eBook and worksheets give you additional practical ways to work on your body image alongside the recording.
Start With One Small Change
If you've been critical of your appearance for years, don't make your goal:
Tomorrow I'm going to love my body.
Start smaller.
Identify one habit that keeps your negative body image going.
Perhaps you repeatedly compare yourself with other people.
Perhaps you inspect yourself in the mirror.
Perhaps you avoid photographs.
Perhaps you dismiss every compliment.
Perhaps you follow social-media accounts that reliably make you feel worse about yourself.
Choose one.
Then begin changing your response to it.
Body confidence is unlikely to appear because you wake up one morning and suddenly decide you're attractive.
But it can gradually improve as you stop repeatedly reinforcing the belief that there is something wrong with you.
You don't need a perfect body to live confidently.
And you don't need to love every aspect of your appearance before you can start treating yourself with greater kindness.
Sometimes the most important change isn't learning to think your body is wonderful.
It's learning that your body doesn't have to be the measure of your worth at all.
About Sharon Shinwell
I'm Sharon Shinwell, a UK clinical hypnotherapist, counsellor, psychotherapist and clinical supervisor with more than 25 years' professional experience.
Through Self Hypnosis UK, I create professionally guided self-hypnosis recordings designed to provide practical support for people who want to work on confidence, habits, thoughts and behaviours.
"This article represents the personal views and opinions of the author and should not be taken as representative of the official policy or position of any organization, professional, expert, or individual."
