How to Overcome Jealousy and Possessiveness—Rebuilding Trust from Within

Hello — I’m Sharon Shinwell, a UK clinical hypnotherapist and psychotherapist, and for more than twenty-five years I’ve helped people move from anxious, reactive patterns into steadier, kinder ways of relating. In this post, I want to talk about jealousy and possessiveness—topics many people keep to themselves because they feel ashamed or worried about being judged.

If you find yourself checking, comparing, asking for reassurance on repeat, or feeling a sudden rush of panic when your partner is out of sight, you’re not “too much” or “broken.” You’re human. And you can change.

In this post, I’ll explain what jealousy really is, where it tends to come from, and how you can begin to loosen its grip. I’ll also share how hypnotherapy and self-hypnosis can support you gently in the background. I’ll reference my program—a Self-Hypnosis MP3 paired with “The Path to Secure Love & Success” eBook—as one option you can add to your toolkit

Take a look later. You won’t find a sales pitch here, just practical guidance and calm encouragement.

Why Jealousy and Possessiveness Show Up (and What They’re Trying to Protect)

The insecure inner story

Jealousy is often a signal, not a character flaw. It’s a protective alarm that says, “I might lose what I love,” or “I’m not enough.” Sometimes that alarm comes from early experiences where love felt unpredictable, inconsistent, or conditional. When those old echoes are active, a partner’s quiet mood, a late reply, or a harmless social media interaction can feel huge.

Attachment patterns and sensitivity

If your early bonds were shaky, your inner radar may be set to “danger.” You notice small shifts and read them as threats. That sensitivity isn’t your enemy — it kept you safe once. But in adult relationships, it can lead to misread signals and quick reactions that don’t serve you.

The grip that tightens everything

Possessiveness tries to create safety by controlling the uncontrollable—someone else’s actions, thoughts, or attention. Unfortunately, the tighter the grip, the more pressure and distance you create in the relationship. You’re left feeling less secure, not more.

Signs You Might Be Dealing with Jealousy or Possessiveness

• You need frequent check-ins or reassurance to feel okay.

• You replay “what if” scenarios and jump to conclusions.

• You compare yourself to others and feel threatened easily.

• You monitor your partner’s phone, social media, or whereabouts.

• Time apart feels scary or unbearable.

• Your mood swings with your partner’s tone, pace of texting, or plans.

• You try to set rules to keep anxiety down, but it only grows.

  
  

If this resonates, please be kind to yourself. These are learned responses—and learned responses can be relearned.

What Jealousy Does to You, Your Partner, and the Relationship

The inner cost

Living on alert is exhausting. It drains energy, sleep, concentration, and confidence. You can start to doubt your worth and shrink your life down to managing fear.

The relationship cost

Your partner may begin to feel cornered or distrusted, which can lead to tension or emotional distance. Ironically, the very strategies you use to feel safe can chip away at the closeness you crave.

The cycle

Fear → checking/accusing → defensiveness/distance → more fear. The cycle becomes self-reinforcing. Breaking it requires new tools for calming the fear and new choices in the moment.

How Hypnotherapy and Self-Hypnosis Can Help with Jealousy

Hypnotherapy and self-hypnosis work by helping the nervous system settle and by speaking to the deeper mind where old patterns live. When you’re calm, you can notice your thoughts without being swept away by them. That’s where change begins.

As part of a wider plan, you might find my Self-Hypnosis MP3 for Jealousy, Insecurity & Possessiveness helpful, along with the companion “The Path to Secure Love & Success” eBook Here’s how they fit:

• Self-Hypnosis MP3—a guided, deeply relaxing session that quiets racing thoughts, cools the urge to check or compare, and strengthens steadier, more confident self-talk.

• eBook (21-Day Action Guide)—simple daily prompts and exercises that build inner security, clearer communication, and healthier habits, one step at a time.

  
  

Use them as gentle support alongside the practical strategies below. They’re not magic wands, but they help your mind and body learn “calm” from the inside out.

How to Stop Jealousy in Relationships Naturally

These steps are simple, not simplistic. Think of them as small dials to turn—consistently and kindly.

1) Lead with self-compassion (not self-criticism)

When jealousy flares, it’s tempting to scold yourself. Instead, try:

“I’m feeling anxious—that makes sense given what I’ve been through. I can respond differently.” Compassion reduces urgency. It doesn’t excuse unhelpful behaviour; it creates the headspace to choose better.

2) Get curious about the fear underneath

Jealousy often covers older pain. Ask yourself:

• “What do I fear losing right now?”

• “What am I telling myself about my worth?”

• “If this feeling had a memory attached, what might it be?”

Writing this down helps you spot patterns and release the pressure valve.

3) Calm your body to steady your mind

When your body is on red alert, reasoning won’t land. Use quick tools:

• Breathe in for 4, out for 6, for two minutes.

• Plant your feet on the floor; feel weight and support.

• Name five things you can see, four you can feel, and three you can hear—bring yourself back to the room.

Do this before texting, checking, or confronting. You’ll think more clearly.

4) Choose a pause before you act

Build a habit: when the urge to check or accuse rises, count to ten, breathe, drink water, or step outside. Delaying the reaction reduces emotional “heat” and stops the spiral from starting.

5) Speak vulnerably, not aggressively

Use “I” statements:

“I noticed I felt uneasy when you were quiet tonight. It stirred up some old worries. Can we chat about it?” You can also ask for reassurance or clarity without making demands. Boundaries can be discussed—collaboratively.

6) Build inner security day by day

No one can reassure you enough if you don’t also reassure yourself. Try:

• Brief daily affirmations that feel true enough to repeat (e.g., “I am worthy and learning to trust myself”).

• Regular time for your interests, friendships, and well-being.

• Noticing and recording wins—small moments where you stayed calm or chose a healthier response.

7) Use self-hypnosis to reinforce new patterns

Listen to the Self-Hypnosis MP3 3–4 times a week, ideally when you can relax. Follow with one eBook prompt. This pairs soothing with action, which is how change sticks.

8) Track progress, not perfection

Expect stumbles. What matters is noticing them and resetting. Over time, the gaps between trigger and reaction grow—and your default becomes calmer.

Using Self-Hypnosis to Address Jealousy (A Gentle Guide)

• When to listen: Evening or any quiet time. Even ten minutes can help.

• What to expect: A sense of softening, easier breathing, and a little more space between you and your thoughts.

• How to deepen the impact: After listening, write one sentence about what you need today (e.g., “Patience,” “Perspective,” “Kindness”). Then act on it once.

How to Heal Possessiveness and Insecurity Without Pushing People Away

Reframe control as contact

What you truly want is closeness, not control. Replace “How do I make them…?” with “How can we stay connected while respecting each other’s freedom?” That single shift changes tone, body language, and outcomes.

Agree small, mutual boundaries

Healthy boundaries are shared agreements that protect connection. For example: “If either of us feels uneasy, we’ll say so kindly and make time to talk.” Simple, human, doable.

Repair quickly

If you snap, check, or accuse—repair sooner rather than later. A short apology plus a plan (“Next time I’ll pause and message you once I’ve calmed down”) goes a long way.

Grow your life beyond the relationship

Jealousy shrinks when your world expands. Invest in interests, skills, work, creativity, and friendships. A rich life makes you feel steadier and reduces the urge to micromanage someone else’s.

Strategies to Build Trust and Emotional Security in Relationships

• Consistency over intensity: Big speeches don’t build trust—repeated, reliable actions do.

• Transparency without oversharing: Be open, but don’t turn your partner into your therapist.

• Empathy both ways:  Your partner may feel pressure or fear too. Listening helps both of you.

• Future-focused conversations: Rather than rehashing accusations, ask, “What would help us next time this comes up?”

  
  

Why Jealousy Comes from Within (Even When It Looks Like It’s About Them)

It’s natural to think, “If my partner changed X, I’d feel fine.” Sometimes, behaviour does need to change—for example, if there’s secrecy or betrayal. But in many cases, the volume of your jealousy is turned up by inner beliefs like “I’m not enough,” “I’m replaceable,” or “Love always leaves.”

Working on the inside doesn’t let anyone off the hook for poor behaviour. It simply gives you power where you have it—in your responses, choices, and boundaries. And when you change your stance, the whole dance often changes.

A 7-Day Kick-Start (No Table — Just Simple Daily Steps)

Day 1: Name and soothe When jealousy hits, pause. Say out loud (or in your mind), “This is jealousy. My body thinks I’m in danger.” Place a hand on your chest and breathe slowly for two minutes.

Day 2: Write the fear Open a notebook. Finish these sentences: “My jealousy is trying to protect me from…,” “If I didn’t react, I fear…,” “What I need to hear is…”. Don’t judge; just write.

Day 3: Ground and re-enter Use the 4-in/6-out breathing when triggered. Add the five-senses grounding (see/feel/hear). Wait ten minutes before taking any action.

Day 4: Share vulnerably Tell your partner one truth using “I”: “I felt wobbly when you were late today; it reminded me of old times when I felt forgotten. Could we plan a quick message if either of us is running behind?”

Day 5: Self-hypnosis + one prompt Listen to the Self-Hypnosis MP3 and complete one short eBook exercise. Note one sentence about what shifted (“I felt calmer,” “The urge to check faded a bit”).

Day 6: Practice the pause Choose one moment to delay reacting. Breathe, walk, or step into another room. Afterward, reflect: “What changed because I waited?”

Day 7: Review and set one intention List three wins from the week, however small. Set one intention for the next seven days (e.g., “Speak gently,” “Pause before I text,” “One MP3 session every other day”).

Repeat this cycle, adjusting as needed. Change gathers through repetition.

A Note on When to Seek Extra Support

• If jealousy leads to aggression, threats, or controlling behaviour, please reach out for professional help now.

• If you’re experiencing emotional or physical harm, contact appropriate services or a trusted professional.

• Couples therapy can help if both of you want to improve communication and rebuild trust. Individual therapy can help you process past experiences and strengthen your inner base.

  
  

How My Program Can Support Your Journey (Softly, Alongside Your Efforts)

If you’d like structured, calming support while you do this work, you might explore my Self-Hypnosis MP3 for Jealousy, Insecurity & Possessiveness and the companion “The Path to Secure Love & Success” eBook. Together they help you:

• Feel steadier: Encourages a calmer baseline so triggers feel less intense.

• Reduce reactivity: Creates space between feeling and action so you can choose responses that match your values.

• Build balance: Strengthens self-worth and emotional stability, so you aren’t living on constant alert.

• Deepen connection: Makes room for trust and closeness to grow.

  
  

It’s an instant digital download, so you can begin privately, at your own pace. If it feels right, you’ll find it HERE

Final Reflection — Small Steps Add Up

Please remember: you’re not your jealousy. You’re a whole person who learned certain survival strategies — and who can learn new ones. You can move from suspicion to steadiness, from gripping to growing, from reactivity to choice.

Progress may be quiet at first: one less check, one kinder conversation, one night of easier sleep. But those small, consistent steps change the emotional climate of your relationship — and your relationship with yourself.

I believe in your capacity to shift this. With patience, honest reflection, calming practices, and (if you choose) the added support of self-hypnosis and a simple action guide, you can loosen jealousy’s hold and make room for something far better: a secure, balanced love that lets you breathe.

With warm encouragement, Sharon Shinwell UK Clinical Hypnotherapist & Psychotherapist

Find out more about me in MY BIO There is a small treat waiting for you there.