How to Stop Worrying: Practical Ways to Worry Less
Worry is something we all experience from time to time. If there's a genuine problem to deal with, thinking about it can help you decide what to do next.
But worry isn't always useful.
Sometimes your mind keeps returning to the same problem long after you've thought through everything you can realistically do. You go over conversations, imagine things going wrong, anticipate problems that haven't happened and try to find certainty about situations you simply can't control.
Before long, you aren't solving anything. You're just worrying.
I'm Sharon Shinwell, a UK clinical hypnotherapist, counsellor and psychotherapist with more than 25 years' professional experience. I've worked with many people who describe themselves as constant worriers. Often, they know their worrying isn't helping, but telling themselves to stop worrying doesn't make their mind suddenly become quiet.
The more useful approach is to understand what's keeping the worry going and learn different ways of responding to it.
If constant worrying is making it difficult for you to switch off, I've also created my Easing the Weight of Worry Guided Meditation MP3, which provides a gentle guided opportunity to step away from repetitive thoughts and give your mind some breathing space.
Why Do I Worry So Much?
Worry often begins with an attempt to protect yourself.
Your mind identifies something that might go wrong and starts thinking about how you could prevent it. In moderation, that's useful. It's part of how we plan and prepare.
The difficulty begins when your mind doesn't know when to stop.
You may find yourself thinking:
What if I've made the wrong decision?
What if something happens to someone I love?
What if I can't cope?
What if I lose my job?
What if there's something wrong with me?
What if I've forgotten something important?
One question produces another, and because many of these questions can't be answered with certainty, your mind keeps searching.
That's one reason worry can feel endless.
What's the Difference Between Worrying and Problem-Solving?
A useful question to ask yourself is:
Am I thinking about something I can do, or am I repeatedly thinking about something that might happen?
Problem-solving usually leads somewhere.
For example, if you're worried about an unpaid bill, you can check your finances, contact the company or arrange a payment.
Worry tends to go around in circles:
What if I can't afford everything next month? What if something else goes wrong? What if things get worse?
The first produces an action. The second produces more worry.
Whenever you notice yourself becoming caught in repetitive thinking, ask:
Is there something useful I can do about this now?
If there is, decide what that action is.
If there isn't, continuing to think about it probably won't create the certainty you're looking for.
Why Can't I Just Stop Worrying?
Trying to force yourself not to think about something can have the opposite effect.
Tell yourself:
Don't think about it.
And what do you immediately check?
Whether you're still thinking about it.
This can create a frustrating internal battle in which you're worrying about the original problem and then becoming annoyed with yourself for worrying.
Rather than demanding that the thought disappear, try noticing it:
I'm worrying about that again.
You don't have to follow it.
A thought can appear without requiring another 20 minutes of analysis.
How to Stop Worrying About Everything
If you feel as though you worry about everything, it can help to stop treating all worries as equally important.
When something is bothering you, divide it into one of two categories:
Something I can influence.There may be an action you can take, information you can obtain or a decision you need to make.
This distinction sounds simple, but it can prevent a great deal of unnecessary mental effort.
Worry often gives us the feeling that we're doing something about a situation even when we're not.
Put Your Worries on Paper
When worries remain in your head, they can feel vague and enormous.
Writing them down makes them more concrete.
You might discover that what felt like dozens of different problems is actually the same worry appearing in slightly different forms.
Write down:
What exactly am I worried about?
Then ask:
Is there anything I can realistically do about it?
If there is, write down the next practical step.
If there isn't, acknowledge that more thinking won't necessarily produce a solution.
The purpose isn't to create another enormous to-do list. It's to separate useful thinking from repetitive worry.
Stop Trying to Solve Tomorrow Today
Constant worriers often spend a great deal of time mentally living in the future.
You may be sitting safely at home while mentally dealing with a conversation next Thursday, a medical appointment next month or a problem that may never happen.
Planning is useful.
Repeatedly rehearsing every possible outcome isn't.
When you notice yourself disappearing into a future scenario, bring your attention back to the question:
What needs my attention today?
Sometimes the answer is very little.
Tomorrow will give you information you don't have today.
Give Worry a Time Limit
If worries continually interrupt your day, you can experiment with setting aside a short period specifically for thinking about them.
When a worry appears, make a note of it and tell yourself you'll consider it during your designated worry time.
This doesn't mean suppressing the thought. You're simply postponing the analysis.
When your worry period arrives, look at what you've written.
Some worries may already feel less important. Others may now have an obvious solution.
If something still needs attention, think about it constructively.
Then finish.
The idea is to stop worry from having unrestricted access to your entire day.
Be Careful About Constant Reassurance
When we're worried, reassurance feels wonderful.
You ask somebody:
Do you think everything will be all right?
They say yes.
You feel better.
But sometimes only briefly.
Soon another doubt appears and you need reassurance again.
If you recognise this pattern, notice whether you're asking for genuinely useful information or simply trying to remove uncertainty.
No amount of reassurance can guarantee that nothing difficult will ever happen.
Learning to tolerate a reasonable degree of uncertainty can ultimately be more helpful than repeatedly trying to eliminate it.
Notice When You're Feeding the Worry
Worry doesn't exist entirely in isolation. Some everyday habits can keep it active.
Repeatedly checking news stories, searching symptoms online, rereading messages, checking emails, looking for reassurance or continually researching a problem can all make something feel more urgent.
Ask yourself:
Is what I'm doing giving me useful information, or am I doing it because I feel anxious?
If you've already found the information you need, another search may not help.
Bring Your Attention Back to What's Happening Now
Worry usually concerns something that has already happened or something that might happen later.
Your senses can help bring you back to the present.
Notice what you can see around you.
Feel your feet against the floor.
Listen to the sounds in the room.
Notice your breathing without trying to change it.
You don't need to achieve a perfectly empty mind. You're simply shifting some of your attention away from imagined scenarios and towards what's actually happening around you.
Don't Believe Every Thought Your Mind Produces
A worrying thought can feel convincing simply because it creates a strong emotional reaction.
But thoughts aren't predictions.
Something could go wrong isn't the same as something will go wrong.
Try changing:
This is going to be a disaster.
to:
I'm having the thought that this could be a disaster.
That small change creates some distance between you and the prediction.
You're acknowledging the thought without automatically treating it as fact.
Look at the Evidence, Not Just the Possibility
Worry is very good at asking what could happen.
Almost anything could happen.
A more balanced question is:
What is actually likely based on the information I have?
You can also ask:
Have I coped with uncertainty before?
Am I underestimating my ability to deal with this if it happens?
What would I say to somebody else who had this worry?
The aim isn't to convince yourself that everything will always turn out perfectly. It's to prevent possibility from being mistaken for probability.
How to Worry Less at Night
Worry often becomes louder when the day becomes quieter.
During the day there are conversations, work, television, errands and other distractions. Once you're lying in bed, your mind suddenly has space to revisit everything.
Try not to use bedtime as your problem-solving session.
If something genuinely needs attention tomorrow, write it down.
Then remind yourself:
I don't need to solve this tonight.
If your mind returns to it, gently bring your attention back to your breathing, the physical sensation of lying in bed or another neutral point of focus.
You're not trying to win an argument with your thoughts. You're declining the invitation to continue analysing them.
Take Care of the Physical Side of Worry
Worry isn't purely mental.
When you're anxious, you may notice muscle tension, shallow breathing, restlessness or a feeling of being constantly on alert.
Simple things matter.
Regular movement, sufficient sleep, eating regularly, reducing excessive caffeine and allowing yourself periods of genuine downtime can all make it easier to manage anxious thinking.
Relaxation won't solve every problem in your life, but it's much harder to think calmly when your body feels permanently on edge.
Can Mindfulness Help With Worrying?
Mindfulness involves deliberately bringing your attention to what's happening now rather than automatically following every thought.
For somebody who worries frequently, this can be useful because it changes your relationship with the worry.
A thought appears:
What if...?
Instead of immediately exploring every possible consequence, you notice that a worrying thought has appeared and return your attention to the present.
That doesn't make you irresponsible.
If a problem needs action, you can act.
Mindfulness simply helps you distinguish between dealing with a real situation and becoming absorbed in an imagined one.
Can Guided Meditation Help You Worry Less?
Guided meditation can provide a structured way of stepping away from the constant stream of mental activity.
Rather than trying to force yourself to relax, you follow the guidance, allowing your attention to settle gradually.
For people who find silent meditation difficult because their thoughts quickly take over, having a voice to focus on can make the process easier.
Meditation doesn't guarantee that worrying thoughts will disappear. The aim is to practise allowing thoughts to come and go without automatically becoming caught up in each one.
Easing the Weight of Worry Guided Meditation
I created Easing the Weight of Worry for those times when your mind seems to be carrying far more than it needs to.
The guided meditation gives you an opportunity to step away from repetitive thinking, relax and allow some mental space around the things that have been occupying your attention.
It isn't about pretending that genuine problems don't exist.
Instead, it's about giving yourself a period in which you don't have to analyse, anticipate or solve everything.
If constant worrying has become exhausting, you can find out more about my Easing the Weight of Worry Guided Meditation MP3.
When Worry May Need More Support
Everyone worries, but if worrying is persistent, difficult to control and having a significant effect on your everyday life, it's worth seeking professional support.
For example, consider speaking with your GP or an appropriate mental health professional if worry is interfering with your sleep, work, relationships or ability to enjoy everyday activities.
Persistent excessive worry can be associated with anxiety disorders, and effective psychological treatments are available.
Guided meditation can be a useful wellbeing practice, but it shouldn't be treated as a replacement for appropriate professional assessment or treatment when these are needed.
Frequently Asked Questions About Worrying
How do I stop worrying?
Start by identifying whether the worry concerns something you can actually influence. If it does, decide on a practical action. If it doesn't, practise noticing the worry without repeatedly analysing it and bring your attention back to what you can deal with now.
Why do I worry about everything?
Some people become accustomed to scanning for possible problems and trying to anticipate what could go wrong. Worry can feel protective because it creates a sense of preparation, even when no useful action is being taken.
How can I stop constant worrying?
Notice when useful problem-solving has turned into repetitive thinking. Writing worries down, limiting reassurance and checking, setting aside worry time and deliberately returning your attention to the present can all help interrupt the pattern.
How do I stop worrying about things I can't control?
First acknowledge that the situation matters to you. Then separate what you can influence from what you can't. Put your effort into the part you can affect and practise tolerating some uncertainty about the rest.
Can meditation stop worrying?
Meditation isn't a way of guaranteeing that worrying thoughts never appear. It can help you practise noticing thoughts without automatically following them, which may make it easier to step out of repetitive worry.
You Don't Have to Solve Everything in Your Head
One of the most exhausting parts of constant worry is the feeling that you should be able to think your way to complete certainty.
You can't.
None of us can know exactly what will happen tomorrow, how another person will respond or whether every decision we've made will turn out perfectly.
What you can do is deal with genuine problems when they arise, prepare sensibly where preparation is useful and learn to recognise when your mind has moved from problem-solving into endless prediction.
You don't have to eliminate every worrying thought.
Sometimes the most useful response is simply:
I've thought about this enough for now.
Then bring yourself back to today.
Sharon ShinwellUK Clinical Hypnotherapist, Counsellor & PsychotherapistCreator of Self Hypnosis UK
